Tag Archives: monopoly

Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun

71 years ago in the Riverside-San Bernardino Metropolitan, a fast food outlet was opened  by two brothers keen on expediting the obesity crises in the land of opportunity. From its humble beginnings, McDonalds (along with Coca Cola) has become the greatest symbol capitalism and monopolisation, with 64 million plebs a day marching past the golden arches, ignoring the stench of grease and lard to pay for a one way ticket to diabetes, heart disease, cancer and Ebola (..yep). 

The dismembering, decapitating and skinning of millions of innocent cows, chickens, fish and porcupine + forced marriages imposed upon billions of tonnes of vegetables (many whom, after enduring countless humiliating hours star fished under an unforgiving sun, only to find themselves sandwiched between a cows hide and a buffalos testicles and showered with a generous serving of Ronald’s “special sauce”) to help complete the global takeover of an organisation fronted by a ranga clown with paedophilic tendencies adamant on wiping out mankind via death by transfat for profit would seem absurd, bordering on genocidal, to our alien overlords.

Regardless, Ronald, Grimace, Hamburgular and the rest of the Happy Meal Gang have successfully hijacked and planted ticking time bombs within the organs of 4 generations of humanity and ensured the legacy will continue long after the aliens arrive (although despite enduring 5000 light years of interstellar space travel, it remains to be seen whether the molecular structure of advanced alien life can handle the monstrosity that is a double quarter pounder with cheese). 

According to its 2010 Annual report, McDeath made $24billion dollars in revenue last year, a 6% increase attributable to civilisations celebration of escaping the GFC by instead jumping upon the Titanic that is the GOB (Global Obesity Crises), a threat to humanity that has been compared to the onset of global warming and Justin Bieber.

Last year , McDonalds used 4 million kgs of potatoes to satisfy demand for its French fries alone.

The drought that has swept the horn of Africa has crippled an entire continent, the hands of famine and starvation dangling 12 million people across Somalia, Kenya and Ethiopia precariously over the brink, ready to drop their emaciated bodies onto a pile of millions whose suffering has served nothing more then billboards for world vision.

  •   12m severely affected by drought
  • 29,000 Somali children under five dead in last 90 days
  • 640,000 children acutely malnourished
  • 400,000 in world’s largest refugee camp, built for 90,000

The United Nations has put out a distress call to donor countries, requesting $2.4 billion in aid to help provide some sort of relief to a race, who by virtue of their birthplace, are destined to languish in hell for generations to come.

To date, it has received only $1.1 billion.

4 million kgs of potatoes to make $24 Billion from fat men, women and children

Vs

$2.4 Billion to save 12 million starving men, women and children.

McFuck.

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