71 years ago in the Riverside-San Bernardino Metropolitan, a fast food outlet was opened  by two brothers keen on expediting the obesity crises in the land of opportunity. From its humble beginnings, McDonalds (along with Coca Cola) has become the greatest symbol capitalism and monopolisation, with 64 million zombies marching past the golden arches everyday, ignoring the stench of grease and lard to pay for a one way ticket to diabetes, heart disease, cancer and Ebola (you read it here first). 

The dismembering, decapitating and skinning of millions of innocent cows, chickens, fish and porcupine + forced uprooting of tonnes of vegetables (who find themselves sandwiched between a cows hide, a buffalos testicles and jizzed over with a generous serving of Ronald’s “special sauce”) to help complete the global takeover of an organisation fronted by a transfat fuelled ranga clown with paedophilic tendencies would seem absurd, bordering on genocidal, to our alien overlords.

Regardless, Ronald, Grimace, Hamburgular and the rest of the Happy Meal Gang have successfully hijacked and planted ticking time bombs within the organs of 4 generations of humanity. 

According to its 2010 Annual report, McDeath made $24billion dollars in revenue last year, a 6% increase attributable to civilisations celebration of escaping the GFC by instead jumping upon the Titanic that is the GOB (Global Obesity Crises), a threat to humanity that has been compared to the onset of global warming and Justin Bieber.

Last year , McDonalds used 4 million kgs of potatoes to satisfy demand for its French fries alone.

The drought sweeping the horn of Africa has crippled an entire continent – the hands of famine dangling 12 million people across Somalia, Kenya and Ethiopia precariously over the brink, ready to drop their emaciated bodies onto a pile of the dead whose suffering has served nothing more then billboards for world vision.

  •   12m severely affected by drought
  • 29,000 Somali children under five dead in last 90 days
  • 640,000 children acutely malnourished
  • 400,000 in world’s largest refugee camp, built for 90,000

The United Nations has put out a distress call to donor countries, requesting $2.4 billion in aid to help provide some sort of relief to a race, who by virtue of their birthplace, are destined to languish in hell for generations to come.

To date, it has received only $1.1 billion.

4 million kgs of potatoes to make $24 Billion from fat men, women and children


$2.4 Billion to save 12 million starving men, women and children.


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One thought on “Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun

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